my little friends

January 6, 2011 § Leave a comment

Today I have reached out and snatched a moment of time. I better use it quickly before somebody sees and cries “your time is up!”

Lately, my time has been shared with others. Which is not a unpleasant, in fact, quite the opposite. But when I felt the hand of misery strike every part of me for no apparant reason this very morning, I decided perhaps I better give myself a little attention -a little time.

I arrived “home” 19 days ago, after being away for 176. Life was so intense when I touched down that I don’t think time allowed me to feel any strong emotions at all.

It is only now, that the general commotion is coming to an end that I am starting to feel the pain I was afraid I would. The misery, the suffocation, the frustration. The weird part is how aware I am of these feelings. It is as if they are little friends, I can recognize them and acknowledge them. And with some effort actually evaporate them. I don’t feel like I am drowning in them. When I cried this morning, it wasn’t for long. I could see why I was feeling this way, could accept the impermanence of these emotions. But I am still human, I still feel, and sometimes, it still hurts.

I have come here today to seek refuge.

The world can be overwhelming, and sometimes it is hard to cling onto a moment, or to create some time for yourself. But it is hugely important that the time for you is found.

So here I am- sitting next to me are my notebooks from my time away. So many things I wanted to share, so many long overdue posts.

But I think today is a good day for reflection. A good reminder that out there is a life I loved. & perhaps it will help me love this one a little more today.

 

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